Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize