i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize