the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
