Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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