Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize