Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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