Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
