She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize