I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
