laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
