forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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