Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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