the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
