So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
