btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
