I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
