this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
