dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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