But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
