he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
