i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
