i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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