Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
