dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
