I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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