dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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