Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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