I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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