Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
