After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
