Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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