He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
