I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
