She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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