at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
