You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
