I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
