We should be called the Road Head Warriors
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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