if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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