my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
