so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
