well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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