Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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