Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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