Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want to make out with him forever
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
