I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize