better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
