; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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