If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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