At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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