Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize