you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
