I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
