I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize