I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
