Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
