I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
