One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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