If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
