Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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