Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
