I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Couch. On fire.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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