If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
