So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize