I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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