All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
