He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize