Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think i have herpe
just one?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
