By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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