were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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