Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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