we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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