Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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