Pappa wants mamma naked
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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